Tag - 07082024

07082024

It takes two to tango!

I AM that guy you mentioned – last girl shook me up bad because I realized how freakin’ needy I was and she was a critical, judgmental and egotistical girl who I felt was “damaged enough” for me – healthy girls wouldn’t touch a guy like me.

My problem is that I feel like a piece of crap about myself and it shows – I’ve been working hard on it, but it is so deeply ingrained (alcoholic Italian father worked my self-esteem to nothing over 20 years – feels irreversible) that I don’t feel that I will ever be able to “fake it ’til I make it” because I have been faking it my whole life – I get the girls, but the neediness comes through eventually and I blow the relationship. Someone might say “you gotta love yourself” or “just have fun with your life without a girl, they will see you having fun and flock to you” but I can’t love myself, it has been too much self-hatred ingrained and I don’t have fun because all I focus on is finding someone to love and accept me and everything else has no flavor without that.

I HAVE noticed that I just don’t get any attention from girls most of the time. I smile at them, chat when I have the chance, but they just seem to have ZERO interest. I project confidence from years of practice, but it is usually the aggressive, damaged girls that pick me out.

I don’t want to give up here, but I am getting close to it. What is the “game-plan” for the really needy guy once he has played the “game” and got the girl? How do I avoid the inevitable collapse into neediness when it is always there and all it takes is one anxious moment to expose it after dating for a while?

I KNOW that I need to change my thinking, but I am realistic about the damage that has been done to me and how far I would have to travel to get there – if it’s even possible.

Please don’t flame me here, if you only knew the emptiness and frustration I feel about this, or could walk in my shoes for a week, you would totally understand my situation.

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